i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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