Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
