I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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