Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
