I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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