im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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