I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
