yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
