umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
