She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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