3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
