Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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