I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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