So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
