Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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