i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
