it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
