Sponge bath it is.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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