it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
