I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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