it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
