I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
