Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
