Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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