If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
