the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
