Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
