I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
