Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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