Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was born a porn star she said
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
