i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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