I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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