A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
