She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
