Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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