home. puking in laundry basket.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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