I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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