Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
