she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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