Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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