i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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