SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The beer is more important than you right now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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