Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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