Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The air taste purple.
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