So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
