the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
