Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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