Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
