We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
