Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
