Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
