I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
